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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
swanely
swanely

imanes

“The shocking story of the establishment of the state of Israel told from those who lived through the end of the British Mandate for Palestine in 1948.”

Watch it for free on tubitv and if you like me live in europe, get a free vpn to watch it! major trigger warning for the content addressed in this movie as it features testimonials from people who have encountered the vileness and horror of settler colonialism. also no it isn’t a CoNfLiCt alas i cannot change the poster but don’t let this stop you.

their website: https://www.1948movie.com/

If you can’t figure out doing the vpn thing but would rather pay to watch online

then you can watch the doc from these places choose what suits you here:

https://www.1948movie.com/watch.html
swanely

this doc is really good and really important so please watch if you’re able to

documentary palestine israel settler colonialism zionism ethnic cleansing genocide apartheid crimes against humanity history erasure censorship silencing propaganda wwii shoah holocaust nakba trailer

i feel ill, it really hurts and like a second class citizen.

anything i try to eat hurts so much.

i cant think anymore.

i feel so dumbed down and floaty its just pain.

im so tired. society just want me to die because i cant.

they dont understand what its like when you cannot yell.

they dont understand when you cant fight.

they dont understand when youre beat down, hollow and cant think from pain.

and most of all they dont care, cause they wouldnt be able to live that way, they dont have the resources to fully care.

anyone without next of kin are fcked. anyone isolated. theyre fcked.

if you dont fight. you die. if you have noone to fight for you, you disappear and you were never there. your story and what happened is unknown. unworthy trash of society.

thats how nature is.

its inhuman. and why having social structure is so important. social structure that creates community and actually works.

without community lots of people like me are just lost and its so prevalent.

everyone lives in their own bubbles. 

personal
queeranarchism
probablyasocialecologist

Israel may be completely converting Palestine into a desert, by uprooting its families, and stripping it of vegetation and water  It was not until after 1948 that 90% of Israeli forests were grown, but non-Indigenous species constitute 89% of them. The majority of trees JNF boasts having planted, since nearly its inception, were non-Native evergreens, which devastated both local communities and ecosystems. For instance, animals belonging to Palestinian shepherds could not feed on greenery, after it was acidified by the shedding of Israeli pine needles. Besides, as evidenced by the most critical wildfire Israel experienced, in 2010, these are highly flammable trees. Israeli planted forests have even been termed ‘pine deserts’, by environmentalists, due to the ‘biological paucity’ they have caused. Furthermore, as Nathan notes, Indigenous carob and fruit trees, including more than 800,000 olive trees, since only 1967, were uprooted by Israel. In Israeli-occupied Palestine, 80% of the responsibility for a staggering 23% reduction in its forests, which occurred from 1971 to 1999, fell on Israeli colonialism and militarism. Only in 2001, the Israeli state uprooted 670,000 fruit and forestry trees there. In addition, research has shown that an-Naqab possibly began to experience desertification due to JNF afforestation. Yet, the ahistorical trope of ‘making the desert bloom’ continues to be widely proliferated by Zionists, assisted by green colonies, to stifle Palestinian memory and erase the Nakba.

Ghada Sasa, Oppressive pines: Uprooting Israeli green colonialism and implanting Palestinian A’wna

anarchistmemecollective

olive trees are specifically targeted for uprooting because of their cultural significance to palestinians

queeranarchism

The Minyan made a great podcast about this: From River to Shining Sea: Eco-Fascism, its Origins, and the Settler Colonial Project

zionism palestine israel tree trees nature politics

- got them to go to treatments

- got them to train

- got them to buy new shoes for training

- set boundaries cause im too physically ill myself now

- finally got dates for my own stuff after im done with thing.. only took over half a fucking year man i mean just to get an appointment… inspite of my beyond shitty fucking doctor… like… i had to call them 4 seperate times for the referal and they never write shit down so they can remember what theyve told me… so had to fucking see them twice as well even though they said i could just write them and theyd sent the referal thing its been like this for 3 years soon i fucking cant

- i managed to get fucking done with thing so dont have to stress about passing that

- you have no idea how fucking hard it is being the hated puppet when your parents are too sick to figure out theyre not of … 

and the constant “if you dont do this ill quit treatment” and punishment and attitude changes they keep hating me so fast all the time, then im good then im hated then im hated

and how they want me to be there with them with all things too much way too much

i cant be there as their puppet anymore i cant

i dont want to live at home and i dont but mentally it feels like i never left whenever they call too and is like that… but at least i know now why it is like that so that helps a bit

- ill get to see the ocean

- i can lie on my side now for a few mins now when im in bed its nice being able to do that at all

- it hurts when i hug people but im able to unlike not at all before

- do you have any idea how many years and how hard it was to constantly battle with them to figure this out… they better not stop this cause i cant

- didnt stay weird in the head like march i came back

- ….theres nothing positive

- i passed the thing last week

- its just so stressful i dont know the fucking date of when ill have to move back… i could barely get out and do everything by myself to get here…

- why is it okay to get treated this way just cause im a renter … and i get 1 hour… and i dont know if itll be on the same date as other stuff i need to do…

why do these things keep happening to me

and i have no place of comfort only hell cause theyre children and i cant be open with people

i might nag here again but id rather just get better

lol

the suicidal stuff is pretty hard to control

i feel a little better already just seeing my blog again lol

i wish i could be close to people but i just cant and i need them so much

i dont know why i have to be this disturbed im so broken

its obvious why its so strong… but i feel like my brain is just severely damaged by now after all these years with this… i can barely get myself to do anything…

i even passed a thing last week but its just so strong

its like the only relief i can get is if i harm myself but i know what i really need it not that avpd is such a curse its like eternal hell with the pain now and people dying, the harrassment, work

i can never reply to people i want to reply and everything inside my head keeps getting erased and its just a flood of nothing that takes over with how to hurt myself or you know… im so fucking damaged and the selfharm is just on repeat constantly 

but i dont do anything

i just cant think straight and im so tired of people treating me like this when im physically ill i feel so subhuman… im just never worth anything or enough

thx blog

… btw at thing some weeks ago?… cant remember… no it was a week tops two weeks ago… i noticed i did that thing it said

because id read on why one might attract people that posses a lot of red flagged behaviour… because i really wanted to try and do better and avoid it if i could this time… because i dont understand why i always… get with people like that (cold, no interest unless im useful in some way / narcissistic supply thing and even then its like… etc…)… this is random… i just dont have anyone to tell so im telling you 

but i felt like such a dork because i did ex-fucking-sactly whats pure fodder for people with narcissism apparently… but then i was also confused cause was what i was doing not “love bombing” maybe?… but i did the thing where i just go off on praise and is really like uhm honest and god it feels gross saying this but kinda “endearing”?… i felt like such a child too… and really fragile…but i like mean it honestly nothing i say is a lie i FEEL _EVERYTHING_ what im saying of thanks and stuff too and of praise… like i feel REALLY grateful and fortunate to meet people that dont see me as a nuisance but are maybe even nice and helpful (kinda wack to say but it kinda feels like that)…and then there’s all the other stuff that makes them cool or interesting…i feel very puppy like… i was really doing my best. it was such a good day. very hard but really good. i still felt hated after i left but thats just my brain… :{…. but i could really feel also how this shit can be taken advantage of and how people have done so before. and i dont really know how to stop it. other than isolating. like how ells are you safe? when people act nice even though you can feel stuff underneath you cant really… zzzzzzzz

personal 4 dec 2021

i cant get myself to stop isolating

i dont want to pick up the phone i dont want to think or feel anything

imsotired

like ive ignored my irl friends phonecalls for 4 months (she has 11 other irl friends dont worry and shed text or leave a message if something was wrong) and old colleuage… for less cause it was text but i didnt answer back either… i say i dont want things all the time but its not true… i just escape cause i feel pain, stress, need to escape, intense fear and weird in my brain and i want to zone out and do bad things so much because what’s the opposit… i dunno… more stress more bullshit to recover from and get sick of and then they die everyone just fucking dies they all just dies die die die die die die die dies all of them everyone fucking dies i dont want to deal with it anymore im so tired i need people that arent fake, who’s honest and can communicate and don’t ignore me or what i say… but can i even feel that… it will all just be erased by my emotions anyway even if it feels good when im with them…. woah made me able to cry… thanks

my mom did the bullshit again… i started it but she sure showed her bullshit… man its so surreal… like how can anyone be this childish… like turn around 110 in 1 millisecond.

she did the thing where she was like… i dont wanna talk about it…

like “be together for your birthday”… then im like… no i wont… then i feel guilty and is like ok… but at my place just for coffee… then silence… then… me:“you don’t want to?”… “yeah i dont think so”… “then why did you ask?” her: “im just acting like you are” *cold as fuck/i detest you and want nothing to do with you voice

like *fictive glass throw

... vent 4 dec 2021